Ok Breaking 80 fans,

Just finished Gary McCord’s book Just a Range Ball in a Box of Titleists – On and Off the Tour with Gary McCord. It was a great book that gave some insight on his humor (which got him black listed from the Master’s as a commentator), life on the tour as a player just trying to qualify on Mondays to play in PGA tournaments, his friendships with not only other PGA players, but his home course players with nick names such as “Mad Max”, “Fairway Louie”, “Unemployed Lloyd”, “the Kitchen” (he was a rather large man), “Brain Damage”, and “Grave Digger” (he took deep divots).

It was a pretty quick read at 206 pages, and I laughed a lot. I see a lot a my friends when I read the book, especially the silly bets, the partaking of a fine frosty beverage at the end of a round, changing rules on the fly, and basically having a blast when golfing with friends. If you get a chance, take the time to read it, you will enjoy.

Gary McCord-isms

• The Cellophane Bridge – A putt that crawls over the lip
• Full Flaps – A ball that is rolling or flying to far
• Pull a hamstring – A putt that need to slow down
• A Roseanne – A shot that is hit fat
• Skid Row – A low unfortunate shot
• Bat Turn – A putt that lips out
• He Needs a Putter Enema – Your putter needs a bowel movement
• Golf – An itch you can’t scratch
• Darth Fader – A slice
• Hormel – A chili dip, a shot with more turf then ball
• Grass Sloth – A slow player
• Bilingual Illiterate – Can’t read the putt from either direction

I am now reading Cinderella Story, My Life in Golf by Bill Murray I will let you know how it reads.


FORE!!!

We are visiting the Redwoods this week and we are camping at the the "Emerald Forest" in Trinidad Bay. Yesterday we drove the "Avenue of the Giants", 32 miles of great views. We could not really get out because the poison oak is everywhere and Darci is very allergic. Going to see the "Trees of Mystery" today! It has finally stopped pouring, it is now just showers. The Redwoods are really BIG! Though I make them look medium when I stand next to one. We are heading home Friday.

Swung the club yesterday....Did not feel good. I have started to read Ben Hogan's "Five Lessons the Modern Fundamentals of Golf" (Damn you Jim!). I don't think it is still modern since the first print was in 1967, (Joe was just turning 20 and thinking of having a nice Oly). Needless to say, I put it down again after trying to to follow and mimic Hogan's instructions...I think I hurt my back.


FORE!

Hack Fest Rules

2.1.0 – The Law of Gravity Putt
• If you’re down hill putt happens to pass right over the top of the cup and inexplicably does not fall in. Simply pick your ball up and count the putt as being in the hole. The law of gravity always supersedes the laws of golf, and under such laws, your ball should have gone in the hole. Why it didn’t is not your fault and you should not be penalized.


From the “A dictionary For Hackers, Duffers, and Perpetual Putters”

“Lip” - 1. Perimeter of grass surrounding the hole.
2. Remarks made by fellow golfer when your putt stops there.

I have not made a post in a while. I have been golfing, but have been frustrated with my short game. My friend Jim has been trying to help me understand what I am doing right and what needs tweaking…but he is having an on going argument with Ben Hogan at this time. I can’t wait for the valley courses to dry out; I am so tired of muddy fairways, mushy fringes, and slowww greens.

I did play last Sunday at Sand Pines on the coast, that course is in good shape. I shot 101…not good, but it would have been 92 had I not had 2 blow-up holes. I started out pretty good on the front nine, but I took my lumps on the back; I made some poor mental mistakes. I played 9 at Diamond Woods on Tuesday and was 8 over with 2 doubles, 4 bogeys, and 3 pars. I should have been 4 over; I missed some really easy putts. My brother Mike is working on a case of the shanks, God forbid I get them, it would crush me! He figures he knows what is wrong, he just seems to forget how to fix it every other stroke. My friend Mike was complaining about the cold and wind…wimp…so what if your hands were frozen white…suck it up butter cup! He actually is having some of the same issues as me…chipping and JIM!

I am going camping next week to get away with Darci, but I plan on taking a club so that I can work on my swing mechanics.

FORE!

Ok Hack Fest Members, this is what I have for our trips:

Hack Fest Location by Year:
2009 – Bandon, Oregon
2008 – Redmond, Oregon
2007 – Mesquite, Nevada
2006 – Eagle Crest, Oregon
2005 – Bend, Oregon
2004 – Lincoln City, Oregon
2003 – Bend/Redmond, Oregon
2002 – Grants Pass, Oregon

I know we have gone over this many times while partaking in a cold frosty beverage (or 5), and have changed both when we started and order of the cities we visited. The only thing we agree on is Bandon Last year, Redmond in 2008, and Mesquite in 2007; after that we seem to be a little foggy. Sooo…I am going to make this list as part of our official history (Jim, I don’t care how many hats you have!).

FORE!

So I was able to golf Saturday, Sunday, and Tuesday (9 holes each day).

Saturday- River Ridge
Score- 47
My drives were going left for the first part of the round, but had some decent distance. I was able to straighten it out towards the end, but lost some distance. My chipping was better, but I need to be more confident in my swing. Putting is still an issue, I am not getting it to the hole and I am still 3 putting when at worse I should be walking off in 2. Over all it was a fun 9 holes, my group was John Lee, Mike, and Big Joe. Mike was trying his new R-7 so he was going through his own issues. Joe was a bit like me, his chipping and putting where getting the best of him. John Lee got his moneys worth for the round.

Sunday- Diamond Woods
Score- 47
My drives were much better; I ended up paring 3 holes. I was having much better control of my chipping. My issues Sunday were mental mistakes. I would make great practice swings, but pull my head when hitting, or dropping my shoulder. What killed me were the 2 par 3’s, I took a combined 6 over par on the holes. Joe is letting me try a Nike putter which has helped with my getting the ball to the hole, now I need to work on the reads.

Tuesday- Diamond Woods
Score- 57
CRAP! I did not have fun at all Tuesday! I started with a double bogey and it went down hill from there. I did not have a bogey until the 9th hole….I only had 1 par…. the score speaks for the rest of the round. I truly shut down after the 6th hole and basically imploded. Golf is supposed to be a fun way to relieve the day to day stress with friends, there is not a big cardboard check waiting the winner at the end of our rounds. It is ok to be mad at myself if I miss hit, or make mental mistakes, I just need to do my best to make the next stroke count. All I did Tuesday was put more on myself after each stroke for no reason. Putting is getting better…Better then Joe!

Mike was able to get his drives under control; once it dries out he is going to get outstanding distance. Joe is pretty down the middle with his drives and he is going in the same boat as Mike. I am not consistent on my drive distance or accuracy, so I am going to have to make it up with my middle distance woods and hybrids.

Ben Hogan is playing mind games with Jim. He has read Ben Hogan’s book and has been trying adjust his swing per Ben’s instructions. I do believe that I heard Jim several times saying “Hogan is wrong”! I had just started to read Hogan’s book, but after seeing what it is doing to Jim, I put it back on the shelf for now; I am having enough issues already.

Golfing Sunday, Birthday bash for my brothers Mike and John (even though neither is my favorite brother)! Not sure where yet, maybe Sandpines or Jim’s favorite coastal course Ocean Dunes!!!!!


FORE!!!

From the “A dictionary For Hackers, Duffers, and Perpetual Putters”

“Back Nine” – The Final 27 holes of an 18-hole golf course

“Etiquette” – The rules of Behavior in golf. There isn’t room here for a complete list, but a few of the more important ones are:
• Never put tees in your nose
• Never sneeze into your glove
• Never concede a chip shot
• Never hold a ball for another payer to hit
• Never practice drives against a backboard
• Never wear golf shoes to a dance

“First Tee” – See Fluff, Hook, Sclaff, Shank, Slice, Top, and Whiff.

“Honor” – The privilege of being laughed at first on the tee.

“Lag” – A long putt played conservatively to make sure that the ball ends up near enough to the hole to be sunk on the next stroke. If this putt is missed, it is referred to as an “aaag”.

“Lost Ball” – An opponent’s missing ball after 90 seconds of searching, or one of your own after 20 minutes.

“19th Hole” – The only hole on which golfers do not complain about the number of shots they took.

From the “Golf Dirty Tricks”
*Dirty Trick #8 – “The Ball Brand Ploy”
Always give your opponent a very expensive ball to tee off with. After all, it’s a well-known rule of the game that the more expensive the golf ball, the more likely your opponent is to shank it, slice it, or hook it deep into the woods.

Saturday (4/10)
River Ridge was fun but had issues putting…chipping…and driving. I did Par a hole on the front nine and Birdied the 12th hole. I spent way to much time looking for my golf ball (I wouldn’t if I could hit it towards the middle). I could not validate my par or birdie (I took a triple bogey on the par three 13th). Mike has a new TaylorMade R-7 driver that is going to cause me issues when stops over thinking his swing and just turns it loose. Both Mike and Joe have good distance with their long irons, 7, and 3 woods from the tee and fairway (show offs!), but I have the ability to bring their game down just by playing with them.

Did not finish the round, I was very frustrated when I look at Mike on the 14th green and asked “you won’t hate me if I said I am done”…Both Mike and Joe did not (it is good to have friends like them).

When I got home I popped another 4 Advil’s….


Sunday (4/11)
Diamond Woods with Jim and John this afternoon fro 9 holes. I had fun and both Jim and John are helpful with my game, giving me advice here and there. I pared the last 2 holes (pared 3 holes total on the front nine) and was still 11 over on the front. What killed me was the par 3’s, I was 6 over par on the two par 3’s. I am trying a Nike putter that Joe is letting me use. I had some pretty good success with it as I was actually striking the putt pretty solid and I was hitting my aim points (to bad I can’t read a break).

I am hoping that I can carry some of my successes from this weekend to Tuesday round, and be able to cut down on the mental mistakes….


FORE!!!!

Up late watching the Masters that I DVR'd today...Tiger will make his run tomorrow along with Phil. It would be great is Watson and Couples could put together another Run. Anthony Kim is fun to watch, he chokes up on all his clubs, yet is still able to get a lot of distance. This weekend there is going to be some great golf...Time to free more space on the DVR!

FORE!

This is my chipping world....sigh...

From the “A dictionary For Hackers, Duffers, and Perpetual Putters”

“Bogey” – The number of strokes needed to finish a hole by a golfer of average skill and above average honesty. See Double Bogey

“Chip Shot” – A short, low approach shot that gets a player into position for one or more missed putts.

“Driving Range” – A place where golfers go to get all the good shots out of their systems.

“Fairway Wood” – A club with a medium loft that is used to get a ball out of a good lie on the fairway and into a position for a shot from a slope, a bunker, a water hazard, or in back of a tree.

“Four-Putt” – To Take four strokes of the putter to putt the ball into the hole after driving it onto the green. See "John Lee"

“Par” – Score achieved by a golfer who only had a few good shots on an entire round, but somehow managed to hit them all on the same hole. See “Jim”, “John”, or “Mikey”

“Practice Tee” – The Place where golfers go to convert a nasty hook into a wicked slice. See “Mike” or “Joe”.

“Woods”- 1. Type of golf club used to drive the ball a long distance. See "Jim" or "Mikey"
2. Where the ball lands after being driven a long distance. See “Frank”

Quotes-
“A good round of golf is if you can hit about three shots that turn out exactly as you planned them” – Ben Hogan

“Missing a short putt does not mean you have to ht your next drive out of bounds”. – Henry Cotton

“There is no surer nor (more) painful way to learn a rule then to be penalized for breaking it”. – Tom Watson

“If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron”. – Lee Trevino

We are playing River Ridge Saturday in Eugene. It is a pretty good course that will make you use most of your clubs. You have to have some decent control on the front nine, especially the first 3 holes; you cannot afford to drive it off to the right. It is open on some parts of the middle holes and the closing holes. Hopefully the course is in better shape then Diamond Woods when it comes to drainage. This is a good course to work on my drives and chipping. As always, I need to cut down on my putting errors and get off the green.

FORE!

THE MASTERS START TOMORROW! I know Darci is very excited! Especially all the slow motion replays of the players swings. Might need to DVR and watch later in the evening. Though I am disappointed in him, I am hoping that Tiger has a good tournament. He has issues, but they are personal family issues, none of my business. But he is one of the greatest golfers ever, and it is fun watching some of the shots he pulls off. I also want Anthony Kim, Phil Mickelson and David Duval to have a good tourney. Kim is an exciting player, Phil is Phil, and I have always liked Duval and hope he can get that magic back.

I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don’t put the right address on it. - Jim Dent

The woods are full of long drivers. - Harvey Penick

I'm very lucky. If it wasn't for golf I don't know what I'd be doing. If my IQ had been two points lower, I'd have been a plant somewhere. - Lee Trevino

I don’t fear death, but I sure don’t like those three-footers for par. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

Rule 14-4: "Striking the ball more then once"

• If a player’s club strikes the ball more then once in the course of the stroke, the player shall count the stroke and add a penalty stroke, making two strokes in all.

YEE HAW, my eight on #2 stands….sigh….very sad….

Had a pretty bad round today. I had a distraction in our group that I let get to me. I have to work on my concentration so that I can stay in control of my game. The fairways were still pretty wet, so we continued to play winter rules. Landing on the fairways did not help me because of standing water, so I would end up taking a lateral drop in the first cut just so I wouldn’t spray myself with water.

I almost decapitated my friend on hole #7. My tee shot landing in the right bunker, and the traps were like wet cement. I picked it clean, but shot it across the green into the left side bunker stopping with a down hill lie. Mike was across the green with his back turned to me when I attempted my shot. I tried to play it like a regular sand shot, so I gave it a little extra effort to get under it. Instead, my club skipped of the “concrete” and I sculled it just past the right side of Mike’s head. I yelled “Mike” while the ball was in flight, which caused him to almost turn right into the shot. It would have hit him right in the forehead, leaving “ProV1” dimples. Needles to say, I was a little flustered after that and took a 6…on a par 3… Looking back on it know, if it would have hit him, it might have bounced off his forehead closer to the hole and I would have gotten off with a 4…Future knowledge I guess.

Score wise, it was a pretty bad round, but as I said, I was distracted and the course was really wet. On hole #2 I had a double hit when I putted from the fringe and the ball hit something righty after impact and bounced up in the air just as the putter face was following through…yep, I made contact…2 stroke penalty. I shot a 55, but, I was ready to leave after almost turning my best friend into a drooling monkey in need of a helmet and harness with a head shot.

Oh well…Golf is a game of fun…if it doesn’t kill you first (right Mike?)…Must lighten up!


Fore!

My niece Devyn is playing on the high school golf team this year and has just started playing. She played Tokatee Golf Club this week and shot a 50 on the front 9! I am very proud of her. Her younger brother Dillon and cousin Jake are starting to play, so I can now expect both of them to give me a hard time about my game. I know have 2 nephews and 1 niece learning to play. I know that their dads are very proud of them, as am I.

Keep up the hard work Devyn, Dillon, and Jake!

FORE!

The weather is making a turn for the better; we should be able to play Tuesday. I am going to start paring down the number of clubs in my bag. If you know me, you know that I have mulitple four drivers, 3 woods, five woods, fairway woods, and about 20 irons of different lofts. I also have about 6 or 7 what I call “original” woods.


Lately I have been taking 16 to 18 clubs out to practice trying to find the right combination. Starting tomorrow, I am going to be taking 14, with a goal of getting down to 12 by summer. The first clubs that will come out will be my long irons (4, 3, & 2) since I use my Snake Eye Quick Strike hybrids instead of irons for longer fairway shots. All my irons are Tour Unique Instrument Oversize (TaylorMade knock offs) with + 1 inch extend shafts and oversize Swing Rite grips that feel pretty well balanced to me (regular grips cause my hands to cramp).

For woods I will keep my TaylorMade Burner driver (Duh) and my Adams three wood hybrid; I will also keep my Orlimar fairway woods.

Clubs for 4/6-
1. 10.5 Driver- TaylorMade Burner
2. 9 degree FW - Orlimar
3. 13 degree 3 W – Adams Tight Lies
4. 17 degree FW - Orlimar
5. 18 degree Hybrid –Snake Eyes Quick Strike
6. 23 degree Hybrid – Snake Eyes Quick Strike
7. Driving Iron - Dunlop (My “Oh SH*T” club)
8. 6 Iron
9. 7 Iron
10. 8 Iron
11. 9 Iron
12. Pitching Wedge
13. Putter - Ram Zebra

We will see how it goes….

FORE!

Two things that ain't long for this world. Dogs that chase cars and professional golfers who chip for pars. - Lee Tevino

The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. - Ben Hogan

I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game. It is called an eraser. - Arnold Palmer

Golf tips are like aspirin. One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle, you will be lucky to survive. - Harvey Penick

A lot of guys who have never choked have never been in a position to do so. - Tom Watson

Mike lost his Speedo!

Nuff said....

John has come up with a “Top five reasons Frank thinks his clubs are broken”

5.) Buying clubs at a second hand store. Kind of makes you wonder why they are there in the first place?

4.) Everyone please take a moment to thank Frank because I really couldn’t picture the term “Swinging from your ass” until I saw him hitting golf balls at the range. Really Frank, thank you!

3.) The year was 1949 when a company called Golf Pride came out with a revolutionary product called the “slip on golf grip.” With that said I figure that at least half of the clubs in Frank’s bag are from 1948 or earlier. Anybody looking for the a “Mashie-Niblick”, I know who’s bag you should start with.

2.) Frank’s ability to work the ball: The fade, slight fade, power fade, mega fade and the ever dangerous boomerang fade. I know the last one seems funny but just sneak up behind any one that has golfed with Frank and make a slight whistle sound. Enough said. Please notice how the word “slice” is never used.


1.) Giving Frank helpful tips to help with his numerous fades such as “releasing the club head” should be broken down into detail. Letting go of the club during a full swing is completely different from releasing the club head. Once again please refer to #2 and the slight whistle sound.

Now, John is funny guy…But that does not take away his responsibility for breaking my clubs…and no, I will not take down the picture…HA!

So we hit the driving range Tuesday due to the course plugging the front nine and too much rain to play the back nine. Tried working on my fairway woods, but had issues with my swing. I could not get consistent on my takeaway, so my club would smack the mat before the ball…VERY FRUSTRATING, especially when you know what you are doing wrong and cannot adjust.

One of my main problems is John (pictured above in his more comfortable golf attire), he showed up and hit with some of my clubs and broke them…They worked just fine before he hit with them, then BAM they stopped working for me!!!

I plan on going to the range maybe Thursday or Friday to try and correct takeaway…again…

FORE!